Imperial Battlesnake
by Andrew Frey
August 2008
Droids Attack Vs. Imperial Battlesnake
Firmly seizing upon the bombastic hammer of thundering metal, comes Imperial Battlesnake. This Chicago-land experience consists of King James and his aggressive drum beating, Doom Wop Costanza hopping up the explosive bass playing with intestinal fortitude, Greazy Dave Reece augmenting the relentless guitar killing with powerful staring and tongue tornados, Ronnie James Theo exemplifying skin-scaring guitar riffing with quicksilver solos, and Wes Nile spewing forth a mouth-warping vocal rampage while sporting a Napoleon Complex.
With so many colorful characters to choose from, one can hardly go wrong! Recently I touched base with the Imperial Battlesnake troupe for a quick e-interview.
I began with an easy one, lobbing a justification question at them about why they have chosen to play the style of music they do?
“This is a tough question, I mean why do dogs chase cars, why does the Pope shit in the woods, why ask why? We do what we were born to do: kick your ears’ asses. Just like we are going to do at The High-Noon Saloon on Friday, August 15th. (Rock n Roll!!!)”
How would you describe your music for someone who has never heard it?
‘What?! Are you saying there are people out there that haven’t heard IMPERIAL BATTLESNAKE? Impossible!”
If you could play with any band or at any festival, what band would it be?
“The band would have to be MINI-IMPERIAL BATTLESNAKE, the all “little person” IBS cover band from Sweden. We would open Bonaroo and kill so many hippies with our face-melting Metal lightning bolts that they would have to cancel the entire flea-bitten hippy, jam band, shit-fest!”
What makes your band special and/or worthwhile?
“We drink a lot and when we drink we tip well. Also, no matter if we are in the studio, on stage or sleeping with one of our many hot groupies; we get in, fuck shit up and get the fuck out before anybody realizes they were just musically/sexually jack hammered.”
The hot project you have coming out shortly is a new split EP. What made you decide to do a split with Droids Attack and not one of a thousand Chicago bands?
“There were a couple of reasons: 1. Droids simply rule. The 1st time we saw them we were blown away and soon after they helped us ink a lucrative contract with Round13Records. 2. They threatened to hurt our families if we didn’t say that.”
What do you have in store for your upcoming tour?
“Clubber Lang said it best when he was asked his prediction for his fight with Rocky Balboa. He said “Prediction . . . PAIN!” We are also getting Droids Attack and Round13Records Tattoos at the High-Noon Saloon after the show.”
Explain how you view the music scene today.
“Quoting King Rape from Bible of the Devil here ‘Welcome to, Rock n
Roll, a world of disappointments.’”
Does the band have any specific goal or motto?
“To become the MMA Heavyweight champions of the world and to destroy faces Friday, August 15th at the High-Noon Saloon. Our motto is ‘make dreams come true.’”
Please tell us about your other upcoming projects.
“We have a brand new CD out called “Sentinels of the Hardland” on Round13Records and of course a split 7” (with 5 extra angry inches) with the Madtown’s own Droids Attack called The 1987”. BUY SOMETHING!”
Anything else you would like to talk about or mention to Maximum Ink Readers?
“Yes, math…. what is the deal with it? Do we really need it?”
In closing, Imperial Battlesnake has an ultimatum, “If you don’t come out to the show at the High-Noon Saloon Friday August 15th and buy several copies of the Thee 1987”, don’t complain about spending the rest of your life in a shit-abyss called ‘planet weakling.’”
So there ya go, eh?
(5916) Page Views Imperial Battlesnake Online:Record Label: Round 13 Records